Monthly Shopping, realizing I'm human and everything in between...

So just recently, and when I say recently I mean yesterday, I realized that I am only human.  I will never be able to banish all my impulses.  I will never be able to walk by string cheese without buying it.  I will never be able to cut certain items out of my budget.  I will still have wants, needs and desires.  No matter how badly I want to believe that I can live without a lot of things, I'm wrong. 

My parents were very good to me.  We were by no means rich, but they gave my brother and I everything they could.  They allowed us to be athletes instead of forcing us to have after school jobs.  They paid for our car insurance, gas, clothes, and other necessities.  They didn't spoil us, forced us to learn hard lessons about wanting and needing, instilled the value of a dollar in us, and still, they didn't deprive us. 

Because of this, I am used to saving my money.  I didn't have the same monthly expenses as some of my friends (car insurance for instance).  This allowed me to put my entire paycheck into my savings account.  I have been saving since I was very young.  So when I left college for the real world, I had saved a pretty decent amount of money.  I lived knowing that double digit number was sitting in my savings account for a rainy day. 

However, that double digit number became a big fat check for the down payment on our home.  I'm not complaining, I love my house, and I can't imagine a better way to spend my savings, but now it's hard to pull up my savings account and see such a small, measly value.  And I would be lying if I said it doesn't worry me some times.  I used to split my paychecks between my spending money and my savings account.  I could quickly watch my savings multiply.  But now, I split my paycheck between my student loans, credit card payments, mortgage and utilities.  Whatevers left I put towards things for the house and groceries.  I haven't gotten to put any money into my savings account in a long time, and I think that's the biggest motivation behind getting my student loans paid off as fast as possible.  If I could be saving all this money that I'm putting towards my loans, I could be living very comfortably.  I would have a decent savings, and I might be able to treat myself to some of those things that I want so desperately right now. 

I guess it's only human to want things.  I just feel like all I do is want.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate absolutely everything I have.  I have a good life.  But I don't want to have to choose between one thing and another anymore.  I don't want to have to choose between that extra debt payment or buying a grill for our deck.  I think that's the hardest thing.  I have to rationalize every single purchase I make to myself.  I have to talk myself into buying things I need.  I'm not saying I want to give into all of my impulses, that would be counter productive.  I just want to not feel guilty when I do buy things, like clothes, for myself. 

But anyways, so in an effort to eliminate my impulse shopping, we have decided to try monthly shopping.  So yesterday, my boyfriend and I tried out BJ's for our first real bulk shopping trip.  I had to keep reminding myself that this (in theory) was the only grocery trip we were going to make until the middle of April, so it was okay that we were piling up so much food.  But when that total, that was just about double our weekly spending popped up on the screen I almost passed out. 

This is one of those things that I struggle with.  I was never good at the whole theory that if you spend more now you save in the long run.  It was always hard for me to dish out money all at once.  I always liked spending a little more often than a lot all at once.  So the total of our shopping trip completely threw me off guard.  But then, I forced myself to remember that this was for an entire months worth of grocery shopping.  I spent $240 last night, but I usually spend about a hundred dollars each week at the grocery store.  So, if we can actually make all that food last us until the middle of April, I will have essentially saved about $150.  Did that make writing the $240 check any easier?  No.  And I probably wont even notice that extra $150 in my account.  But it sounds good in theory.  And I think with a little practice and better planing I might actually be able to get the monthly bill down even lower.  I mean, there are only two of us.  It shouldn't be that expensive to feed two people who never eat breakfast for a month.  But we will see.

There are other parts of my spending besides groceries that I need to adjust.  I'm working on it slowly, but like I have recently learned, I'm only human.  There is only so much that I can do, so many places that I can cheat myself.

The Student Debt Relief Bill

Okay, we need to talk about something that I'm noticing is coming up a lot with my peers.  The Student Debt Relief Bill.  I feel like every social media that I look at there are a hundred kids my age posting about how we have to pass this bill because they can't afford their college loans and what not. 

I need to make something perfectly clear.  This bill would do absolutely nothing for most of you.  It is not a magic wand that is waved over your debt and it all magically goes away.  It would make absolutely no sense for the government to just forgive millions upon millions of dollars in loans.  As awesome as it sounds for us individuals struggling with debt, when you think about the over all effect of something like that...it just doesn't make sense.

Luckily, the people who have written this bill have taken that into account.  They realize that no one is going to magically make their debt go away.  So they have factored this in, in an attempt to make a bill that seems more logical.  This is the part that I know most of you haven't read.  I can tell by the way you are all posting about how we have to pass this right now so that you can quit your second job or afford a new car or something like that.  The relief would only go into effect after you had paid off the equivalent of 10 years worth of payments.  Or 120 months worth of 10% of your income. For a lot of people, especially those with 15 year loans, that's still most of your loan.  Basically, you would still have to pay for your education.  The relief really comes in the interest.

So for all you recent graduates who think that passing this bill (which I don't exactly have high hopes for) will magically make all your money problems go away, you're wrong (and you're also an idiot for not doing some research before you signed your name on the thing).  You still have to work for it.  They aren't just going to reward you for sitting on your ass and missing payments. 

So I wouldn't skip payments assuming that all the online petitions that you're signing are going to take care of your loan debt.  And I don't think you need to keep posting the same petition on your facebook wall over and over and over.  We all know the petition exists, and honestly, if it has 1,000 signatures or a 1,000,000 signatures, I still don't think the bill will pass.  However, I'll join you in being hopeful, because if it does pass, I'm a hell of a lot closer to having my debt relieved than you are!

AYQFNEHP8AMN

Decisions, Decisions

So I have a huge decision to make.  My tax refund is on the way, and I need to decide what to do with it.  Part of me, the busting-my-ass-to-pay-of-the-loan part, wants to put the whole amount directly towards my loan.  This seems logical for a few reasons.  I didn't have this money before, so I wont miss it when it's put towards the loan.  It's a significant amount of money, it could essentially be another 5 months worth of payments.  And finally, I'll end up putting the same amount of money and then some towards the loan, I might as well do it before I think of other ways to spend it.
However, the 22-year-old part of me wants to spend the money on things I want.  I've had my eye on a few camera accessories and a new laptop for a while, and this money could very easily make me a very happy girl.  I mean, this money is extra gift money, why shouldn't I spend it on myself?
The new-home-owner in me thinks that that money would buy an awful lot of much needed stuff for our new house.  There are lots of things (like a new dishwasher) that we're pretty desperate for but just can't afford right now.  Perhaps this is the money that would get us those things.
And then, there's the little Scrooge in me that just wants to put the money in my Savings Account and save it for a rainy day. 

This is such a difficult decision.  I feel like I'm fighting with myself every minute of the day.  I feel like if I haven't made up my mind by the time the money actually hits my account I may impulse spend it on something completely random that I might regret.  A lot of my budgeting has to do with having plans, because one of my biggest down falls is my impulse spending.  I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself not to impulse buy.  I also utilize a lot of the tricks they talk about, like the 30 day rule and the walk away and see if you come back to it rule.  But my biggest impulse spending issues come in to play in the grocery store.  I have to make a list and force myself to stick to it when grocery shopping. 

So my refund should be here soon, and I don't know which side of me is going to win.  It's going to be a fight to the finish, that's for sure...

So Here We Go...

Okay, so shall we start with a bit of background?  I'm 22 years old.  I graduated from a State school last May, spent a month unemployed before landing what is probably the perfect job for a recent grad.  I'm making just about 36,000 a year.  However, due to my first two years of college being at a very expensive, non state school where I was not offered financial aid...I'm in about $60,000 worth of debt. 

I can afford to make the basic payments on my (consolidated) student loan.  However, I'm just not feeling paying my loan off for the next 30 years of my life.  So, I have undertaken the incredible task of eliminating my college loan before my 25th birthday. 

I understand that this is not going to be an easy task.  First of all, my boyfriend and I just bought a Townhouse.  It's a lovely place that gives us some equity and doesn't require us to throw money away at a landlord, but it needed some work, and we had to put quite a bit of money into it at first, and we still are.  We've only been in the house since November, so we're still really getting it going. 

When we moved into this house, we owned two cars, two motorcycles, a 20 year old mattress, two dressers, two TVs, and some dishes stolen from the cafeteria of my former place of education.  We had to furnish an entire house with these few items.  With the help of some generous family donations and the thrift store, we got all the basic items we needed to begin living in our home.  However, I didn't get to put as much money towards my debt as I was hoping. 

So now that the house is beginning to settle, I am beginning the journey.  As I like to write as my main source of entertainment, I thought that it would be interesting to document my attempts to crush my debt in an extremely short amount of time.  So, here we go.... wish me luck!